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Have you ever thought you were just angry, only to realize later you were actually hurt or overwhelmed? Kids experience the same thing but often don’t have the words to explain it. Teaching them to identify these hidden emotions is a game-changer for their emotional growth.
Both kids and adults often default to labeling emotions in simple terms like “mad,” “sad,” or “happy.” However, studies show that anger is frequently a secondary emotion, masking deeper feelings like fear, shame, or loneliness. Helping children recognize and name these complex emotions improves their self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.
Here are three strategies to help kids build a broader emotional vocabulary:
1. Introduce New Feeling Words Through Everyday Situations
Kids may feel frustrated, disappointed, or even embarrassed but struggle to express it without the right vocabulary. Introduce new emotion words during real-life moments.
For example, when a child gets upset about losing a game, you could say, “It seems like you might feel disappointed because you worked hard and didn’t win. Does that sound right?” Teaching them new words equips children with the language to better express their experiences.
2. Model Emotional Awareness Through Your Own Experiences
Children learn from observing adults. Demonstrate how you process complex emotions by sharing your experiences.
For example, say, “I’ve been feeling cranky today, but I think it’s because I’m overwhelmed with work.” This shows kids that it’s normal to have layered emotions and that naming these feelings can help manage them.
3. Encourage Exploration of What’s Underneath Anger
Anger often acts as a cover for more vulnerable emotions like hurt or fear. This applies to both children and adults.
Encourage kids to reflect on their feelings by asking questions like, “You seem really angry. Could you also be feeling hurt because your friend didn’t share with you?” Teaching this process of exploration helps them slow down, reflect, and manage their responses more effectively.
One excellent resource that illustrates these strategies is the book Hello, Anger by Jessica Sinarski, illustrated by Macky Pamintuan. The book is ideal for 4th to 6th graders but can also work as a read-aloud for younger children who may need help understanding figurative language. It introduces the concept of "big feelings in a backpack," encouraging kids to view emotions as something everyone carries. The book emphasizes body awareness, teaching children to recognize physical sensations like tightness or heat when they experience anger. This awareness is critical because it helps kids pause and implement coping strategies before their emotions escalate.
Hello, Anger also explores hidden emotions, such as embarrassment and loneliness, helping children understand that anger is often a surface emotion. Through various characters and relatable scenarios, the story guides kids to be curious about what’s underneath their anger.
A memorable line from the book, “Stop when I’m furious, pause and be curious,” serves as a helpful mantra for both kids and adults.
The book also includes tips for caring adults and offers a resource bundle with engaging activities. These include coloring affirmations, a gingerbread person activity to map bodily sensations, and a Skittles game to help children connect their feelings to coping strategies. The “backpack detective” activity encourages empathy by prompting kids to consider what others might be carrying emotionally.
This bundle is particularly useful for parents, educators, school counselors, and mental health professionals who want to reinforce SEL (social-emotional learning) concepts in a hands-on way.
Helping children develop the ability to name and understand complex feelings leads to greater emotional intelligence and healthier relationships. By equipping them with the right tools and resources, we can set them up for success in both emotional regulation and empathy.
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